FEELING SO ALONE IN THIS WORLD
Blog Post Nine“I had to lose control to gain access to the palette of my heart.”
“Everything about this home opened the floodgates of suppressed memories that my mind couldn’t bear to let go. Despite the added warmth of burnt clay bricks that held the foundation of this house and the assortment of Christmas lights hanging around the ledge of the windows the feeling of loneliness hovered over my heart like a tower of refuge. This was the first holiday I’ll be spending together with my parents in years, but nothing about this place brought comfort to my soul. Coming here was a mistake, I should’ve stayed on campus and spend the holidays with my friends.
“Honey, I’m so glad you made it. How was your flight?” she said. Even with my back turned, I immediately knew it was my mom. Although we haven’t spoken to each other since the death of my grandparents, the sound of her voice was still soft and melodic like I last remembered.
“I slept through the entire flight,” I responded as I approached her side. She stood in front of the door with her arms opened and held a large smile on her face the closer I got. She had on a green velvet dress that extenuated her short stature and jewelry pieces were sprawled across her neck and arms. Memories of the countless days we spent driving away from this place came flashing in like the sunlight forcing me to avoid her gaze as I walked down the driveway. I couldn’t look into her eyes without thinking like I shouldn’t be here. As soon as I was within close proximity, she pulled me in for a big hug to welcome me back. She removed the small duffel bag that I was holding onto and grabbed my hands so that we can enter the house as she closed the front door behind us.
“Make yourself at home,” she stated. We walked down a narrow hallway that led to the dining room on the right which eventually leads to the rest of the home. The structure of the home was similar to what I remembered with the exception of new furniture around the house and a remodeling of the kitchen and living room. I was surprise to see an an old family photo that we took when I was fifteen still hanging near the fireplace in the living room. That was the last family photo we took together before I decided to move in with my grandparents in Philadelphia.
Growing up, my parents were so career-driven that they were never around and never had any desire to have any more children. Being an only child made me privilege to everything I ever wanted, except for their love and attention. Most of my days were spent in my grandparents house with occasionally meeting together here for the holidays. This house was so used to being alone that the sound of our laughter was often a disturbance of peace when we got together.
“Where’s dad?” I asked.
“He went to the shop to get some art supplies for you to paint. He’ll be back soon,” she said.
It’s been so long I was surprised they remembered my love for painting. Painting, my first love, the air I breathe. Painting is the only thing that could describe me in the absence of words. It has allowed me to redefine this world on a canvas and live the reality that existed before my eyes. It has allowed me to connect to the world through the brush on the canvas. Painting allowed me to open the doors of possibility to be moved profoundly and to move others. I found a safe a haven through my art because it hid the harsh strokes of my life and helped me escape the morbid thoughts of being alone.
A small synopsis about a character in a developing project I’m currently working on. Please refer to Blog Post Eight on quick tips on writing a character’s backstories and Blog Post Ten to read another character's backstory.
CHARACTER PROFILE
Name: Elsy Bayard
Age: 24
Height: 5’ 3”
Weight: 150 IB
Face: Oval; Curved eyebrows with a small nose, narrow full lips
Mark: beauty mark near the edge of her chin
Piercing: double piercing on both her ears
Parents
Mom: Editor (Magazine Co.);
Dad: Veterinarian
Education
School: Cobblestone University
Major: Art
Year: Junior
Traits
Selfless, Easy-Going, Detail-Oriented, Gentle, Expressive; Sensitive (Pisces)
Weakness
Overly-trusting, fearful, desire to escape reality, intuitive
Hobby
Painting
Fashion Style
Bohemian (loose and colorful)
Disclaimer:
I am not the artist behind this beautiful drawing, this drawing is used as an inspiration to develop the character known as Elsy Bayard. Click on the button labelled “Artist” below to view other works of the artist behind this drawing.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK?
BLOG PORTFOLIO
“Elsy Bayard is a 24 year old art major at Cobblestone University located in northern Pennsylvania. Read more to find out the danger she faces when she returns home during Winter Break.”